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Growing Pains

There are a lot of things on my mind this morning, so I decided I might as well write some of it down.  Well, type it up.  I grabbed my Chromebook up and here I am typing.  The future has caught up to us in 2016.  Have you noticed?

Anyway.  Of course when I go to write things down, everything disapears from my brain.  The same goes when I turn on my camera.  I have to script everything in my mind first and then spill it out.  The good thoughts (and I mean really good thoughts) that I have while I’m laying in bed are usually lost to the ether, but they probably aren’t really lost, if there is an ether… it’s just someone else gets to take credit for them.  I’ve noticed, by reading other people’s blog posts, that one of the most important things in writing is CLARITY.  However, I’m going to give myself a break and allow myself to not write with clarity, because really what is most important for self-growth is that I know what I mean.

Most of what I have to say is better suited for the video medium, but alas… I went to bed early last night to avoid getting sick and I’m honestly not used to functioning as a human being this early in the morning.  Let alone a human who washes her face and hands, puts on a touch of makeup, fixes her hair and opens her tripod and pushes record.  That’s the important part- filming.  However, I can’t do it unless I’m presentable.  Another one of the downfalls, limits, of being a girl.

I’ll remember what I have to say.  The fact that my laundry is still wet will jog my memory.  As far as what I can write: I learned the biggest mistake I made on YouTube- trying to be like everyone else.  Trying to emulate other youtubers, when what keeps me coming back to other people is their originality.  I am original.  I shouldn’t have tried to be like everyone else, just because they were successful and I’m not.  So what, I’m not successful.  That is a fact (please don’t run away).  However, I’ve learned that MAYBE, just maybe, the secret to success on YouTube, maybe even in life, is just being myself (as trite as that sounds).  Being genuine.  I was always, always, trying to copy other people on YouTube.  I’m done with that.  I’m not going to do what other people do.  This is MY channel, and I can do whatever I want.

Oh- one more thing.  I deleted all of my blog posts here because of some people’s negative opinions of me and their eloqently viscious way of conveying it made me think that they were right.  But another thing I’ve learned- everyone will have their own opinion of you and everyone will think their opinion is right.  I respect other people’s opinions and I think it’s important to do so, but I also think it’s most important to see yourself how YOU see you and not through the eyes of other people.  There is a YOU that other people know, but the most important opinion and knowledge is the opinion and knowledge you have of yourself.  I know I’m not perfect and some people expect me to be.  One day I’ll have it all together and can write with clarity and that will be the day when I’m truly the adult version of myself.

2017 WILL be a year of changes for me because I’ve learned and grown so much in this 2016, a year of growing pains for me and seemingly the world.  Another important thing: REMEMBERING the things you’ve learned for longer than 30 minutes at a time.  Just keep swimming.

Happy New Year!  I’m going to try and send out some holiday greeting cards 🙂

and write more, and make more videos, and become a fucking grown up.

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9 thoughts on “Growing Pains

  1. A good spirit of ambition here. But what if it somehow dissipates, just like your morning thoughts? Do you know how to prevent that?

    Someone once told me that if you want to successfully put someone down, they must be wrong most of the time not ALL of it. The person who wrote those negative remarks was well aware of that, I think. Particularity and articulacy are no real indicators of veracity. History is littered with examples to prove this – racism, and so on. Won’t bore with details. My point is that you did well not to get taken in or, at least, not to stay taken in.

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  2. Sammi you are successful! It is not about how many subscribers you have, but how you influence them in a positive way. There is only one rawsammi and you are perfect!
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :3

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Good for you! The only opinion of yourself that really matters is your own. No one knows you better than yourself. There is an “ether”. When you put out positive vibes they are returned. Being an “adult” is overrated. I don’t ever want to grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I bought a pair of riding boots and went out to dinner only to discover that most women I saw were wearing riding boots lol. I’m still glad I finally have a pair though because I wanted them for years.

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  5. I was wondering why it was so empty here all of a sudden. You’re stuff was fine. You shouldn’t let assholes get you down. Normal people will just move on if they don’t like something. The fact that those people had a lot to say says more about them than it does about you.

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  6. Hi sammi, you’re vlogs and blog inspires me. It made me realize some things. Especially, the video you made which is “why I dont have friends”. I can totally relate on it. People thinks I’m weird because I’m really shy. Like I dont want to talk with them. But I have one best friend. And just like yours. She also betrayed me. Just for a guy. Thats the time. I totally lost my self confidence.
    Your blogs made me realized I’m not the only one who is suffering from anxiety. Thanks sammi

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