There are a lot of things on my mind this morning, so I decided I might as well write some of it down. Well, type it up. I grabbed my Chromebook up and here I am typing. The future has caught up to us in 2016. Have you noticed?
Anyway. Of course when I go to write things down, everything disapears from my brain. The same goes when I turn on my camera. I have to script everything in my mind first and then spill it out. The good thoughts (and I mean really good thoughts) that I have while I’m laying in bed are usually lost to the ether, but they probably aren’t really lost, if there is an ether… it’s just someone else gets to take credit for them. I’ve noticed, by reading other people’s blog posts, that one of the most important things in writing is CLARITY. However, I’m going to give myself a break and allow myself to not write with clarity, because really what is most important for self-growth is that I know what I mean.
Most of what I have to say is better suited for the video medium, but alas… I went to bed early last night to avoid getting sick and I’m honestly not used to functioning as a human being this early in the morning. Let alone a human who washes her face and hands, puts on a touch of makeup, fixes her hair and opens her tripod and pushes record. That’s the important part- filming. However, I can’t do it unless I’m presentable. Another one of the downfalls, limits, of being a girl.
I’ll remember what I have to say. The fact that my laundry is still wet will jog my memory. As far as what I can write: I learned the biggest mistake I made on YouTube- trying to be like everyone else. Trying to emulate other youtubers, when what keeps me coming back to other people is their originality. I am original. I shouldn’t have tried to be like everyone else, just because they were successful and I’m not. So what, I’m not successful. That is a fact (please don’t run away). However, I’ve learned that MAYBE, just maybe, the secret to success on YouTube, maybe even in life, is just being myself (as trite as that sounds). Being genuine. I was always, always, trying to copy other people on YouTube. I’m done with that. I’m not going to do what other people do. This is MY channel, and I can do whatever I want.
Oh- one more thing. I deleted all of my blog posts here because of some people’s negative opinions of me and their eloqently viscious way of conveying it made me think that they were right. But another thing I’ve learned- everyone will have their own opinion of you and everyone will think their opinion is right. I respect other people’s opinions and I think it’s important to do so, but I also think it’s most important to see yourself how YOU see you and not through the eyes of other people. There is a YOU that other people know, but the most important opinion and knowledge is the opinion and knowledge you have of yourself. I know I’m not perfect and some people expect me to be. One day I’ll have it all together and can write with clarity and that will be the day when I’m truly the adult version of myself.
2017 WILL be a year of changes for me because I’ve learned and grown so much in this 2016, a year of growing pains for me and seemingly the world. Another important thing: REMEMBERING the things you’ve learned for longer than 30 minutes at a time. Just keep swimming.
Happy New Year! I’m going to try and send out some holiday greeting cards 🙂
and write more, and make more videos, and become a fucking grown up.